I got a date....

June 5th.  That is the day I will permanently change my life and my battle with my weight.  I will be having a vertical gastric sleeve performed by Dr. McDaniel in Victoria,TX.  I start my meal replacement shakes on May 23rd (2 shakes a day and one protein with veggie dinner) to reduce the fat around my liver.  I have appointments on May 29th to have my liver and gall bladder ultrasound and blood work and my last visit with my Doctor (the pre-op appointment) on May 31st.  Then I am going camping with my family for the weekend, going to small claims court over a STUPID issue that I hope is resolved quickly (we filed the suit, just irritates me it had to come to this) - then check in to the hospital on June 5th at 5:00 in the morning.  I will stay one night, to a leak test the next day - and come home to recover.

I am nervous.  I have been jumping through the hoops and considering this since September.  I have joined the Vertical Sleeve Talk Forum and have talked with numerous individuals in both pre op and post op situations.  I have read, and practiced chewing 30 times, and tried sipping water and not drinking with meals.....and I am still scared.  I am removing 80% of a healthy organ that has only done it's job all too well.

This is not a quick fix - and I really don't give a damn about people who think that.  I have shared my decision with my friends, family and even co-workers and have found nothing but support.  I am doing this for me - and for my children.  I would love to say vanity has nothing to do with it - but that would be a lie.  WHile my primary purpose is health and the ability to keep up and DO with my kiddos, I can't deny the joy I get when I think about shopping in any store I would like...not just the big girl stores.  I am nervous about loose skin....because ya know, puffy fat rolls look so much more attractive!  I know it will be work - and I just want to get through the liquid phase, the tired and no energy phase as quickly as possible and just eat to live instead of living to eat.  I am ready.  Sorry Ms. Gallon stomach - you gotta go.

I am ready to post befpre and after pics - and pics all in between -
I struggle to find very many of me - I am hiding behind stuff or behind the lens....watch out world. I am coming....

And watch out roller coaster and rides I have avoided.  ANd horse back riding.  ANd flying somewhere with asking for a seat belt extender......

I am ready....

Consider these my before :)  I am ready...I am ready...I am ready....I am ready....I am ready.....I am!

The day is coming.....

I have now completed the 6 month medically supervised diet...I lost about 10 pounds somewhere in there, but had gained it back by the last weigh in. Basically, you pay for an office visit and they weigh you, ask if you are following an 1800 calorie diet and getting exercise....Suuuuurrrreee I am ....

Anyway - all papers are at the bariatric center now, and I am just waiting for official approval from insurance. Could take a few weeks, but I am not in a huge rush. I am hoping to have surgery the 3rd week of June or so....I am actually getting a little excited at the prospect of ending this small, nagging, sense of self loathing when it comes to the size of my arse. I remain pretty confident about myself, and I do have fears of looking like a melted candle stick....but I think it will all be ok.

I think the only thing I have left is an ultrasound on my gallbladder and a pre-op visit with the surgeon....then I will be all done. Except for the whole cutting out my stomach and existing on liquids for a month post op!

Oh - and let's not forget they ask you to replace 2 meals with shakes and eat a protein and veggie dinner for 2 weeks before the surgery - sounds like fun times! I am sure that will not be too hard as I know it shrinks your liver and makes for a safer surgery.

So that is where I am at now.....I look forward to my own before and after gallery. God knows I enjoy perusing them on the internet.

Waning Woman: Contact Me!

Waning Woman: Contact Me!: You can reach me via Facebook , Twitter , or on my email, waningwoman at gmail.com. I am fluent in smoke signal interpretation, too.

95% and counting.....

I am in month 4 of my "medically supervised diet" required by my insurance to have weight loss surgery. Only other requirement is an ultrasound of my gall bladder as I get closer to the date I pick for surgery. If it looks susceptible to gall stones, they will remove it at the same time as the surgery as gall stones plague weight loss surgery patients.
Of the Supervised diet...it is a joke. My family doctor is awesome - like her a lot....but all she does is recommend a 1500 calorie diet and exercise...duh!! If I could stick to that I would! On the brighter side, I signed up for the biggest loser competition at my school and they put us in teams....THAT makes for some accountability and I lost 5 pounds in the first week....it is 8 weeks long so it coincides with the end of the "supervised" one - so maybe I won't hang my head in shame as I step on the scale at the end of this month. Of course, I have lost 1,000 pounds - the same 20-30 over and over! I even lost 50 once on the Atkin's...only to get pregnant and gain it all back, plus some.

SO - I am 95% sure I am going to have this surgery in June....3rd or 4th week of June. Then I will have the rest of the summer to normalize to my new eating. I weighed the timing heavily...and am still worried about depriving my children of fun filled summer days - but I have an excellent support system. I even shared with my other teacher's on my team that I was thinking about it, and they were super supportive, and one of them even shared that her best friend was having the surgery over spring break. Geesh - the stigma and fear of putting that info out there was bothering me more than I thought. It's not like they haven't seen the size of my arse going doing down the halls every day!! :)

SO I am trucking on, lots going on in my daily life. Finishing up Dave Ramsey's 13 week Financial Peace University this coming Tuesday with my husband....it has had some rough patches, but overall has really changed how we view our money. It has been a huge blessing to our family.

I am not smoking (fell off the wagon for a few days with Hubby's 40th birthday bash), but feel really good about that! Am trying to really spend quality time with family members - even gave my Dad a birthday card filled with activities for us to do together instead of the traditional Amazon gift card.

All is well in my life, looking forward to changes in my body......

More appointments..

This last Thursday was a trifecta towards bariatric surgery. I took the required 2 hour nutrition class geared towards idiots to explain cars, protein and fat. She also discussed the post surgery diet and amounts. BLAH BLAH BLAH. She did however throw in a pun only I caught....she gave some info and said "go ahead and ruminate on that" I about fell out of my chair. Did she just call us cows??

Then I had a few hours before my meet and greet with the shrink - so I grabbed a taco and went and had a pedicure. Then to the psyche eval I went. Basically, as long as you are not bulimic, bi-polar, or under a severe life change, you can qualify. It was kind of nice to talk to her though, because she was 63 and had a gastric bypass 3 years ago. She was very down to earth and funny.

Then I went with the technician for a pre-pic. I asked why now, when I wouldn't even be eligible for surgery until March and that I probably wouldn't even do it until June - but we had fun with it. First I smiled and threw up a peace sign, but then a light clicked. I told her I should be there next billboard model and you always pose in horrible clothes and no makeup for the "before" pic - then have a total make over in a year or two! We laughed and laughed, and then she told me how beautiful I already was and how gorgeous I would be after. The she floored and me and in a serious voice, told me they would LOVE to have me in their advertisements. Made me feel good. Then I find out she is the Doctor's wife - too funny.
I meet with the doctor and go over my blood work. Lipids high, Cholesterol high - but the worst was the diabetes marker. If you are over 6.3 on your ACI, you are diabetic. Below - you are not. I am AT 6.3!! SCARY! Long story short, I have the choice of bypass or sleeve. He told me the pros and cons - and the sleeve is definitely less invasive. Removal of part of the stomach is not only a simpler surgery, but also eliminates the issues of malnourishment or major deficiencies like the bypass. The other difference is an issue of pounds. He says the sleeve will basically help me drop 100 pounds and the bypass would help me lose 125 pounds.... Geesh. What a dilemma....

That's where I am now.....5 more months of a medically supervised diet to qualify, then all systems go....
We shall see......

First Visit Done

I had my first of 6 visits for the medically supervised diets I am required by my insurance company to undertake prior to their approval of surgery. I went in really hoping they might offer some type of advice or eating plan that I could try and be successful with. Nope. Basically it was a weight and height check. I am 5 foot 9 inches (apparently I have lost an entire inch since highschool and 3 children) and according to their scale - I am at 303 pounds. I need to quit hiding this number. It is just me weight - not all of who I am. My scale at home said 298 - I don't know why that seems so much better....
Anyway - the next 10 minutes were basically asking what I eat and informing me of items I should steer away from. Next THursday will be my BIG day - I meet with a nutritionist, have my psych eval, and meet with the actual Dr. that will do the surgery. The fact that I do not have diabetes or high blood pressure means the sleeve will probably be best for me, and I am glad. While it is still quite an invasive surgery, the fact that my intestines would not have to be re-routed is more appealing.
So I have gone walking a few times, drink nothing but water, and am reading other's success stories about the sleeve. Youtube has provides lots of encouragement as well - it is really amazing the transformation some women have undergone. Also seeing my friends Kim and Kayce is helpful. They do not appear miserable and both tell me it is the best thing they have ever done. They are half the women they used to be, and more active than ever.
I want that.

Taking steps, closer to the edge

I did it. I have made the appointments that are carrying me closer to surgery. My insurance requires 6 months of a medically supervised diet - and I am actually looking forward to it. I mean - if that will work - GREAT! I start with them Sept. 27th. I will also have blood, lab work done. On Oct. 6th, I will do my 2 hour required meeting with a nutritionist (I figured that would be good timing with a diet), then my hour long meeting with a psychiatrist, that will lead into my meeting with a surgeon to discuss my options.

After that appointment, I will continue with monthly meetings for the supervised diet, and sometime in March (end of the 6 months), I will be making the decision on whether or not to have bariatric surgery. I know that I think I am leaning towards the gastric sleeve - where they cut out the majority of your stomach. It seems to scare me less than re-routing your guts in a bypass or having a foreign object (the band) in me. We shall see........